Redeemed Conversations with A.R. Ledgister
Redeemed Conversations with A.R. Ledgister
Self-Talk Series P2: Navigating The Labyrinth of Self-Improvement: Cultivating Peace and Legacy in Relationships
Embarking on a journey of self-improvement requires courage, and it's not without its roadblocks. Today, I lay bare the transformative path I've walked, from tackling the hurdles within to enhancing the lives of those I hold dear. This episode invites you to witness the raw power of self-talk, the necessity of being constructively stringent with ourselves, and the enlightening shift in perspective towards contributing to a legacy of love and impact. As we unspool the threads of personal growth, I'll share how the dynamics of marriage, parenting, and the essence of sacrifice intertwine to deepen our understanding of growth's complexity and its profound satisfaction.
Creating a harmonious haven for our family goes beyond the bank balance—it's about fostering peace that echoes through our lives and back into our hearts. In our candid conversation, we reflect on the delicate balance of being a supportive husband and father, while also delving into the importance of reciprocity in relationships and the pitfalls of self-centeredness. As we navigate these themes, the enduring power of treating others as we wish to be treated comes into sharp focus, setting the stage for a life imbued with peace, purpose, and profound impact. Join us as we explore these intimate insights, and be inspired to seek out the serenity that comes from nurturing the well-being of those around you.
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what another awesome, awesome, awesome friday. What's up? So, uh, listen, I am so, listen. I just want to welcome you guys. We are here to continue our conversation in regards to getting the conversation about yourself under control, you know, and learning about one's self and learning about one's self. And what does one's self sound like and what does the conversation with one's self sound like?
Speaker 1:And tonight's a little different, you know, because we are doing a wonderful topic that I didn't want to digest but I'm gonna have to digest because it is the, it is the um, the message that I've gotten over the past few days and weeks, and it is the fact that says uh, get over yourself. What? How rude. Ooh, you're not nice, oh boy, but nah, get over yourself. What does that mean with your rude self? And I say, watch out, because here's the thing about that, right, I, I have been at the place of my life that says what does it mean to grow, what does it mean to be in a place of growing and getting better? And where does it start or where does it end? How do I get better, or what do I do to get better? And I think I really have gotten to the point with myself that says you know, adam, through hell or high water, you kind of have to see what life is. Take it by the reins. Take it by the reins and process it from the most positive place that you can. How you sitting up here talking to people about, um, remaining positive and talking to yourself about peace, love and forbearance and compassion and all those things and the you know when things get a little funny, you don't know how to have that same level of positivity. Now, stay with me. I'm going to take you somewhere for a second, because when you think about getting over oneself, you don't necessarily think it from a place that says forsaking yourself, forsaking yourself, but it is getting over the fact.
Speaker 1:That says I am going to be a little hard on myself so that things can be better and get better mentally and emotionally for myself, you know, and one of the things that that kind of starts with in life that started out with me, that says you know, there's things that I think I deserve, there's things that I believe that I want, there's things that I need, oh and God, won't you make it be this way, and God, if it is not that way, oh, woe is me. But then you think about it and you're saying, okay, well, if I know that a part of me needs to grow and I need to grow, and if I'm not growing, then I need to figure out why I'm not growing, then I need to figure out why I'm not growing. And what if the reason behind my poor self-talk or my good self-talk or lack thereof, and what if it was the reasoning behind it, was because I have not gotten over myself? Now, when I say get over yourself, I mean when you really get to the nitty gritty of it. The only place and the only person that can stop you from being the best you is you is you. And so if the you is a you that is going to be becoming a internal coddler, then growth and where you grow and how you grow is something that can be impeded because you yourself are standing in your way from getting yourself to a place of greatness. Now we took the first few weeks of talking about self to build up a wonderful, wonderful theological thought process to what it really meant to have a good internal relationship with oneself.
Speaker 1:Talking to oneself, how does one process things and the way we process things, and if we process things a particular way, it gives us a particular result. Now, in the midst of that, I could not get away from the fact that said, if you now have gained confidence in self, you have now gained a self-love. Now you have to think through. I want to do better for oneself. I want to do better for oneself, and sometimes that comes with a level of pushing past the uncomfortable place that you've put yourself in stems from me wanting to see things in life, get things in life, obtain things in life. And, the truth be told, I'm sitting there watching, waiting for those things to come to me.
Speaker 1:And one of the things that you realize in life that says sometimes you'll get down to the place of, and sometimes we, sometimes we get to the place that we want something. We need something. We're asking loved ones and we're asking people, and sometimes God and ourselves for things. And the truth of the matter is, times God and ourselves for things, and the truth of the matter is you really don't know why you want some of the things you want. And again, this is all coming from the place of wanting to improve self-talk. Right For the last few weeks that we're going to be able to walk through this, there has to come a point where you're able to know how to be proactively encouraging, but also proactively inspiring, but yet also proactively butt kicking almost said something else to yourself.
Speaker 1:Sometimes that derives from a place of not thinking that you should always be the center of attention. Now, what does that mean, adam? You're saying self-talk and self-awareness. I want to know about myself. I have to see myself. What does myself look like?
Speaker 1:But did you ever think that sometimes we go through life and we look at things in life that allow us the opportunity to see what we are to others, who we are to others, what we're meant to be to others and what others are meant to be to us, for no other purpose than the benefit of something that doesn't have, that has nothing to do with us? You know, when you, when you grow into marriage and you walk through marriage, there's time when you realize you will do things that has nothing to do with you, but you have to walk in them, because in marriage it's a life about sacrifice. And, yeah, you want to take the thought process that says, well, if I'm sacrificing, they got to sacrifice. But that's not really what that is, because you don't really look for a return from the place you sacrifice, but we could talk about that another day. I'm not going to get on that.
Speaker 1:But if you really look at it, we have gotten to a place where we struggle with the fact that what we want, how we want it, when we want it, doesn't always happen and we struggle getting over that. And then we have this thing that has happened in our society, especially sometimes with millennials, is that when things don't happen the way we'd like them to happen, we then get on this soapbox. We then get on this soapbox and I recently have been on a soapbox and different little things in my life. You know, I wanted certain things to happen with the companies and I wanted certain things to happen in life and they don't always get to happen. And a wonderful one of my mentors, a wonderful gentleman, shout out to Dr Christopher Boyd he's the GOAT and I've heard other great men say this, but he said you only need to soak in the bathtub Once you get up out the bathtub. There is things that you have to do once you get up out the bathtub. There is things that you have to do Wash the foolishness off and get back to work and get over yourself Because, yes, there's been times when life goes a certain way for us and we don't like it.
Speaker 1:We don't appreciate things not going our way all the time and we don't really see the wonderful opportunity for growth when things don't go our way. So we have to pivot and we have to do an audible and we have to try to do some things a little different. And then, when those things happen, you realize, oh, I'm a bad mother, you know, and you got to change. But you realize that how many times have you gone through life and it didn't go the exact way you wanted it to go, and in the midst of it not going the way you wanted it to go, you soak, you soaked, you soaked, you soaked. And then, once you started getting over yourself and you started looking at the opportunity, working through the opportunity, seeing the opportunity, and then, when you came out of it, you're like yo, this joint is amazing, I'm just going to, I wasted my time doing this. And here goes my buddy, axel, again. Hey, buddy, say hi, axel. Now go back upstairs to your mom. Okay, I love you. Enjoy the candy. It was yummy. Yes, close the door.
Speaker 1:So, like, even with that, I had to get over that. Last week, my man came in here. But what is the opportunity that I get to show my son to do something and stay doing something and be consistent in doing something, even in the midst of interruptions? I'm teaching him how to be successful. So then you say to yourself all right, what does this mean? What does it mean for me to get over myself?
Speaker 1:Because, in case you didn't know, things will not always go the way you want them to go, and when you were a child, you got to soak and be mad about those things. But when you're an adult, you don't get to do that. You have to go and try. And you have to go, take yourself to a place that says you know what? What could my life be if I took each opportunity and I said all right, this does not feel great, it does not look the best and right now I would really just like to ball up and cry. But what would it really be if, in the midst of wanting to get on this said self-soapbox, you took the time to actually not look at the situation through just your eyes and see how much others can benefit from the opportunity of things not going your way? Now, granted, when you were a child, this is the things that you had to do. You know you didn't have to really care too much I mean, some kids do.
Speaker 1:But you know, I don't often get to talk from the message Bible, because the message Bible is one of the Bibles that I hold so dear to me, because it's like a real conversation. You know, and and I literally searched get over yourself in the word, and it was something that came out of Galatians that I not wasn't Galatians, ephesians, that was just so cool to me, it's Ephesians 4 and 22. It says since then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance. Then we do not have the excuse of ignorance. Everything, and I do mean everything connected with the old way of life, has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it and then take on an eternally new way of life, a God-fashioned life.
Speaker 1:And I read that and I'm like, well, god, why would you show me that about getting over yourself? And then I was like, oh, there goes that cool thing that you know prayer and thought does to you, which is remove you from looking at self and look at God. Now there's things that you can look through in life and there's plenty of times that we could look through in life and say we maybe didn't trust God, we maybe didn't really give God the full opportunity to do that. And this is the thing for this month of Redeemed Conversations, when we're talking through the conversation of self-talk. And what would it look like to really go down this road of trusting God with our self and trusting God with our internal self, because our internal self sometimes is not the thing that's going to get us to the place that we really want to be?
Speaker 1:And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you're immature. I'm not saying that you don't know how to think. But what I am saying is that sometimes we want to put self as a mental thought of a priority when we want things our way. And one of the truths of that is is that when you work towards the thought process of a God-fashioned life, you realize one. It is a life that is orchestrated and a life that is pivoted by God. So if you were able to become a millionaire when you were 21, adam, you would have blew that money.
Speaker 1:But then, if you think about it, God took his time to show me and bring me through not getting it my way, and there was a time I was sulking about that because I was trying to do everything right, doing everything right, and there were people who weren't doing the same thing I was doing and they was coming up on money and I was beginning to get mad and get sad and then thinking about oh my God, what was me? And then it was a certain thing in my heart that got me to thinking and I really attribute it to my marriage, because when you think about getting married, being married oftentimes is a scary thing. And it's scary because you don't know what to expect and you don't think you know how to act and you don't think this person may love you and you don't think this person may do the things your way. And often you know you don't think, and some men you don't think you have enough money and things of that nature. But then you think about it what is a marriage? And a marriage is a union between two individuals that want the union, never been in the union before or, if they've been in the union wasn't the best, so they got to go to another one. So now you're like okay, now that I'm married, I have to make it about us. I'm married, I have to make it about us. So now, when you make it about us, it's not necessarily thinking about what you want and what you need. It should be what does she need? What does she think is something that she needs to obtain?
Speaker 1:One of the questions I asked my wife before we got married. I said what is the? What is the? Who could you become if you had the best support system in the world? Because I believe that I want to be a great support system for the person I marry. I say all that and she says wonderful things. I'm like bitch, you got it, but it took work and it's taking work. How much do we really trust that? That is the process. We're really believing in God for our lives, because the relationship with God is no different from a marriage. I have committed to walk with you. I've committed to say I'm going to walk with you through this thing called life and as I walk through this thing called life, I got to trust you. I got to trust you. I can't think that, because you don't give things to me my way, that I'm not going to be something great, something better.
Speaker 1:You have to know that, in the midst of wanting to be somewhere, that life is going to take you through different things, and if you don't get over how you want it, when you want it, how you think it should be, you will rob yourself of the possibility of seeing everything outside of yourself, believe it or not. Often we take so much time to look within, we don't appreciate what's outside. And to not appreciate what's outside. Then what are you growing for? Are you just growing just to be internally accomplished? Because I thought, in what you try to do and in life, it is about the impact that you make, it is about the legacy that you leave. That all is not done internally. So you have to know how to move yourself out the way. And beloved.
Speaker 1:If you don't know how to move yourself out of the way, it then becomes a situation that says it's all about me, me, me, me, me, and forget about you. What is that? So then I just so I wanted to take that time to kind of dig with that a little bit, because now we're at the point that says what could it look like if I made my self-improvement about things other than just me? What if you are improving yourself so you can be a better dad? What if you are improving yourself so you can be a better mom. What if improving yourself allows you to be a leader that others have never seen in their life? But they need To be? A leader that others have never seen in their life but they need so that they can lead others into a great place?
Speaker 1:Now we're talking about kingdom. Now we're talking about the God-fashioned life. Let's talk about it again. So now we can't excuse the ignorance, right? Because part of the things that you realize about life says that as you grow up, you learn. As you go through the process of really understanding life, you learn, and you can either point your life towards the direction of making you and everything, how you want it to be done, the reason for your soapbox, or you can get off your soapbox and do your best to figure out where I can be better so that the world can be better.
Speaker 1:You know, I know a lot of people. They may say what they want to say. I get it, it's all right, but to live for something more than yourself is one of the greatest accomplishments that we have reverence, to be instrumental in the history of, whether it be African American, caucasian American, whether it's a country, or even if it's a family, it is those who have taken the thought process of when they could have only looked at themselves, they looked at others. Of when they could have only looked at themselves, they looked at others. Now this is weird. This is hard. It ain't the easiest conversation, because I was like, all right, god, I really want to get in a place of licking my wounds. God wouldn't let me do that. You know, the Bible says plans with much counsel prosper.
Speaker 1:And I realized, in the point of me going to want to be in licking my wounds because I've had to do better on myself, talk with myself, I realized that sometimes, when you get to that place of wanting to pull back, you pull back and you begin to blame yourself for where you are. You begin to say that you could have done this and you should have done this and this is what you should have done. And then sometimes you take even the thought process that says others should have done this and others should have done that, and why didn't they do this and why didn't he say these things to me and why she didn't do this? And then you go about that area that says, okay, even in internal self-conversation, I'm not giving myself any level of peace. I'm not giving myself any level of personal understanding that takes me off of the place of crying or sulking.
Speaker 1:So what if you really got to the point of when it came to self-talk this is the hard part you don't focus self-talk to only be about you? Think about it for a second. Haven't you ever taken the time and said I'm going to do something for somebody else, and how much joy it brought to your heart? Sometimes, there are internal sacrifices that you have to make that says, though I want something from this situation. Maybe I just need to not look for what my desires are in this situation, but look for what somebody else's needs are, and then, when you get to do that, you then get to see that there's joy outside of just pleasing your internal person. So then, therefore, if you only focus on wanting to change and be your best self, but you only focus on that and you never focus on helping others to be their best self, then what are you really being your best self for? For Instagram Before. For Instagram Now. I know this is not going to be the easiest message, not the easiest conversation, because, honestly, it is a situation to where we get towards the thought process that says, if you are going down this road of self-improvement, eventually you'll get to the point that says, as I improve myself, I'm not improving myself just for me. I'm improving myself so that I can be better for those around me.
Speaker 1:As a husband and as a dad, it's the hardest thing sometimes to know that you take care of your family. You work to take care of your family and even in the midst of taking care of your family, your family still needs other things. So you couldn't just make it about money, you have to make it about other things. You can't get on your soapbox that says I pay for this and I pay for that, so therefore this should happen. Yeah, that's cool to say, but an extra degree of effort while doing that could change your wife's life. Likewise, women should you know that there is things that men have to deal with, your man has to deal with, and if there's something you can take care of Again, what does it look like for us to put back in life the process of reciprocity?
Speaker 1:What does it look like if we were to put back in life to say, though I could worry about me alone right now and though I don't feel the best about what it is that's going on? Is there an opportunity for somebody else to be better, do better, look better, feel better? So you know, that is one of the things that I think we often in life have to get to. We have to realize that sometimes a place of peace is absolutely our responsibility. How we think, yes.
Speaker 1:However, what if, in the midst of learning how to get to your peace, you helped create peace for someone else? That is the trick of it all you can obtain peace by creating peace for someone else. And what does that look like? And I think that's that's the part for me, if it really was, and I think that's the part for me If it really was about being my best self, that if it's really about me wanting to see me be my best self, you have to get to the point. And I have to get to the point, the point that says, as you are looking to find peace within, create peace outside. Sometimes I've seen people try to obtain peace by creating turmoil and creating this level of me, me, me and honestly, I have even been guilty of that. And if you have light the chat up for a second for me, just give me a heart. If that's been you, what if peace could really be obtained by not only looking for it within but creating it outside?
Speaker 1:And I think often we get to the point where, yes, you have to go for your dreams and, yes, you have to go for what God called you to do. And, yes, you have to go for that. So I get better and I want to do better. Go for that, so I get better and I want to do better. But don't forget we were put in this world not just for one's self, but beloved. You have a responsibility to not only be an agent of change, but to be an agent of peace. How much better could life be if every decision we made about what comes out of our mouth was so that we could be peaceful but still honest.
Speaker 1:Because you got to still be honest, you still got to get to the place that says my peace and who I am and what I want to be. It has to have an environment, it has to have a place where it can grow. So I have to be able to create it around me so that I can have it and see it and create it within me. You see, that's where a lot of us miss it. I missed it for years. Discover, discover and see how to help others Get to a place of peace and I promise you y'all, you get to a place where peace Now becomes not only your responsibility but theirs. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. What, oh my God, oh my God, what if there was a place that, in the midst of trying to get peace and quiet from your children, to do a podcast? Before the podcast, you see, well, how can I help them be a little peaceful? So listen. You see, well, how can I help them be a little peaceful? So listen, you know, nothing's changed. This is how we do.
Speaker 1:And see the part of this, the conversation, as we close out for the night, we close out for the night, we are at the place in life that, honestly, I believe. I believe that life is. Life is funny, life is the thing that we really think we have this wonderful control over. We really don't, but there's ways that we can ensure that maybe, just maybe, as we walk through this, with our pain, our scars, our tears, our hopes, our dreams, as we walk through it all, we will get to the place that says it's not about me, but it is about the environment around me, those around me, and one of the best ways you'll realize in life to obtain a level of peace is to create it for someone else.
Speaker 1:I could not have this conversation about self-talk without going down the road that says do unto others as you'd have them do unto you, do unto others as you'd have them do unto you. So that says, if you want peace from those you love, you want peace from your wife. You want peace from your husband. You want peace from your kids. You want peace from your workplace. You want peace from everything around you. Create it, relish in it, see what it looks like. You can't do that without getting over yourself. Yeah, you want something. Yes, you wish he would call when he's at work, but he doesn't. Yeah, you wish he would do this and do that, but yeah, she doesn't. Oh man, but what if you found a way to focus life on it really being about improving external peace? So internal peace can be guaranteed and that's the cool thing about it beloved. Try your best To see what that looks like, to have the conversation with oneself that says I want to be the priority right now, but I'm not ignorant to the fact that there's things externally that need my attention. So never waste your time just thinking about what it is you need and you want, because, again, to create peace externally guarantees peace internally, not a falsehood of peace.
Speaker 1:I'm talking about really being dedicated to the peace and it not being about you. It was heavy tonight. It's just one of those nights and I thank you, I thank all of you who are watching, because I don't take that for granted, and I thank you. So, as we go through that, you know love to go down, uh, to prayer because, honestly, it is one of the places that, even in the midst of not being your best self, is the best thing for yourself. So let's go ahead and go to pray.
Speaker 1:So, father, I thank you for tonight. That God, even in the midst of not even knowing if I should even do tonight. But, god, the message, god, that you gave me in regards to what tonight was about was the simple fact that God, to get over one's self, allows us to get out of the way, for you to take care of that said self. And, in case we didn't know before, god, you do a better job of caring for us than we do for ourselves. So, on tonight, father, I thank you. I thank you, god, for the peace and the grace, father, that you have allowed us to be able to see when we're just not focusing on ourselves. Father, I thank you, lord, god, for allowing us to be an army of agents of peace.
Speaker 1:For, as we look to have and obtain peace in our homes, in our lives, in our offices, in our businesses, god, as we look to obtain peace externally, god, I ask God that you will obtain and help us obtain peace and guarantee it internally. For, father, we thank you, we honor you, god and God. As we continue, lord, god, to find out what it means to improve and redeem the conversation of how we talk to ourselves, and redeem the conversation of how we talk to ourselves, never let us lose sight that, because we were created by you, father, because we were instilled by you, god, we know that through it all, whether we look after our own feelings or not, whether we look after everything we want or not, should we have the opportunity to let it go, get over one's self and really understand that life is about so much more than just how we want. And, god, as you continue, god, to grow us in that, never let us go back to the place that has no improvement value, father. Don't let us go to the place where we think that thinking about how we want and what we want is the best option for a thought process. But God is in the midst. As we're not getting what we want all the time, how do we push to help others obtain what they need? Because, just maybe, just maybe, just maybe, just maybe, if we do that for them, you'll do it for us.
Speaker 1:So, father, I honor you, I thank you. So, father, I honor you, I thank you. I pronounce and I decree and I declare a special anointing over those who get to see this watch, this God, those that I'm connected to, those that they're connected to God, that, god, you will place agents of peace around agents of peace to create a agents of peace around agents of peace, to create a culture of peace. So that, god, when we go after improving ourselves, we improve ourselves because we want to be better, to do better and be able to affect external change and external peace even better. We're so thankful for your grace. As we sat on our soapbox, you still walked us through life and helped us see things, and we're so grateful. We're honored God. Thank you for helping us redeem this conversation of self-talk, and we bless you, father, we honor you, we thank you. It's in your son, jesus Christ's name that we pray. Amen. Love y'all and thank you. Have a great night.
