Redeemed Conversations with A.R. Ledgister
Redeemed Conversations with A.R. Ledgister
Is Your Support Qualified?
In this S4E3 of Redeemed Conversations: "Is Your Support Qualified?" featuring my special guest - my wife JAM! 💑
We'll dive deep into what makes support truly meaningful and how to build relationships that push you toward wisdom and purpose. You won't want to miss this intimate conversation about validation, authentic support, and growing together in faith. 🙏
#RedeemedConversations #MarriageConversations #ChristianPodcast #FaithJourney #SupportSystem
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so it's another awesome, wonderful time on a saturday no, it's friday. Tomorrow's saturday sat friday night. Uh, redeemed conversations. And I am super excited, in more ways than one, um, because tonight, uh, we are talking about um qualified support, um question mark, um, is your support qualified? Yes, you better get me right, honey. And those of you who don't know, um, I have a special guest tonight. Um, last yesterday I did it by I'm, not yesterday, last week I did it by myself having somebody with me. Um, you know, I I prayed about having somebody with me and I kind of knew who I wanted to have with me, um, and it kind of just happened. So, uh, so I have my wife, my bun, my boo okay, now my baby mama.
Speaker 1:She here with your boy, because Tonight is a conversation About our Is your support qualified? And I couldn't think about Anybody else that had a conversation with About qualified support Than you. Because we just celebrated, we did, a beautiful nine years of beautiful marriage. He's still doing his wizardry on me, my wizardry, yes, yes. Put the mic closer to your mouth.
Speaker 2:Come on, girl, I cannot.
Speaker 1:And it's been a wonderful nine years, but it's been a different nine years than I've ever had in my life and I don't know about for you, but I've enjoyed it, I've grown in it and I don't think we could be where we are today. I do not. I know I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for you and I am, I'm, super thankful because I do believe you are qualified support in my life, and I say that in front of everybody on the camera.
Speaker 2:Thanks honey.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It is hey everybody. It's been a while since I've been on, so I'll say hey it everybody. It's been a while since I've been on, so I'll say hey everybody. Yeah, I can honestly say the same. You know, we talk about all the time how you know the person that you marry can have a direct impact on your trajectory and where you go in life. And I can honestly say that, where I am, I do not believe I would be or would have gotten to certainly as quick as I did without having you as my support system. So I thank you for being, you know, my overly qualified support assistant you just made my heart flutter.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So, mama, there's so many things that we could talk through, but ultimately, one of the things that I wanted to make sure that we did was give people an opportunity to talk and have somebody see us talk, how we talk amongst each other.
Speaker 1:As far as, as far as qualified support, sure, you know, I think, because a lot of times, when it comes to you and I's relationship, it's not always bubblegums and ice cream. Ice cream, no, um, far from it, bubble gums and ice cream. Um, because I even know, even in the beginning parts of of of our marriage, I didn't always even do it well, but I thought I was trying to do the best that I was supposed to do, but I didn't know how to talk all the time and I would say things the wrong way and I would um, and I was always taught how to do things graciously from you, and I think one of the things that I am now trying to cope with is often people don't have the kind of support that you and I provide for each other sure, I mean we had to grow into that, though, right like we didn't automatically, as you say, like, start off being this fantastic support for one another.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, we got to that point after having a plenty of hard conversations, a plenty of tears, uh, plenty of nights of you know, I love you but I don't like I don't like you, so I'm not talking yeah, we're not.
Speaker 2:We're not talking. Um, you know we had plenty of those conversations or plenty of those times for us to get to that place. Um, I know, I certainly, you know, had a lot of growing up to do because the things that you were supporting me in, I had not seen it be done in my space up until that point and it was something that was new to me. And while I was learning what was new to me, you know it's always difficult to accept criticism or, you know, correction from somebody who you love, you support, that you value their feedback. And we had to get to that place. You know, um, the I think both of us like fear of not being worried about what the other person was going to. You know how they were going to take it because ultimately, we had to get to the point to say like, hey, if I don't tell you, who else is going to tell you? I remember asking you like your first sermon before you ever preached it, just going to go there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, because that's what I think about, because I remember asking you like before you ever you know preached, because I remember asking you Before you ever preached. I was like hey, so how do you think Would you want me to give you feedback? Do you want me to just be like Great job, honey? And y'all. He was like yes, he was like you better.
Speaker 1:I don't know what I was signing up for at that time.
Speaker 2:I don't know what I signed up for girl. He said you better, you better give me feedback, don't have me out here looking crazy y'all.
Speaker 1:His first sermon I read to you like a little, like a little when he finished.
Speaker 2:How did I do baby? When he finished, I said okay. So first, I am so proud of you, honey that's when I knew it was going to go.
Speaker 1:I am so proud of you, honey.
Speaker 2:That's when I knew it was going to go south. I am so proud of you, honey. Like you know, I was like you got up there, you did. You know, I feel like you accomplished what God called you to accomplish. You know, I made sure that I affirmed him very well and then I came in and was like all right, so let's talk about how you can get better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, y'all. She told me. Let me tell you what she told me y'all. Let me tell you what she told me. She said hmm, you know you had a really got a lot of really good points, but you repeat yourself a lot. I was like I, I was trying to sell a point. She's like, yeah, but you sold it and then you just killed it and I was like I was like, but, bae, I I was doing the lowest work I mean, you know, but like.
Speaker 2:So, even though we had that conversation right and like I asked prior to, because I know that, like, as we both work in creative fields, we both are entrepreneurs we have things that are very near and dear to our heart, and so sometimes receiving criticism on those things can be very difficult to accept absolutely um, but it's all in the name of love, in the name of supporting one another, and I think, ultimately, you know, for me, I had to get to a place and still do have to remind myself that.
Speaker 2:You know I can be worried about what everybody else thinks, and everyone else is gonna have an opinion good, bad or indifferent but, like my one rock support person is my husband and, you know, trying to make sure that at the end of the day, you know, I am happy about what we talked, about, what we're doing together, how I'm presenting it, or even your view of how I'm presenting something, is important, and I know that one of the things that we want to talk about tonight was that desire to people, please, good girl people please, um and um.
Speaker 2:You know how it is something that a lot of people need help being delivered from and, to be fair, neither one of us are free from it, so to speak. Um, we're trying to get some help right now yeah, yeah, yeah, like we're not, we're not free from it.
Speaker 1:We are, though, at a point where we are selecting the individuals who we decide that we want to seek validation yes, yes, because you know, walking alone isn't the ideal thing, because sometimes, when you walk alone, um, it's not the ideal thing, so you have to start and it's not comfortable.
Speaker 1:So, because of that and and that's really even in everything that we do, because we're still, you know, on the on the pushing side of understanding dreams and understanding goals and things of that nature there was a point where, uh, validation and wanting to hear, oh, you did a good job, or yada, yada, yada, was something that I wanted to hear, and after a while, you'd want to hear it from a lot of different people, but then, after a while, it was like god began to shape my heart to only really want to hear it from you. You know, and it's how in us. But you know, and that's part of some of the things that we had to kind of like fight through often, because it would be like, even in the moment, like I could ask you something and if you don't answer me a certain way, um, I would think that it was that you were not vested or pleased, yeah, or you hated it, and it just, you know, and often it wasn't because that you were not kind or that you didn't do a good job with it.
Speaker 1:It was because that I was still healing from some things on my own. Sure, you know, and and even even in in in retrospect to where it came to, like dreams and understanding what what you're looking to do. It's, um, one of the one of the things that we researched was that, uh, research shows that 70% of people uh, delay pursuing their dreams due to fear of judgment or lack of external validation. And one of the things that I realized that, even on the side of looking for validation from you, um, I still could not do it well, I still, I still could not accept it well if I didn't validate myself internally. And I was looking for you to help me with that.
Speaker 1:And that was one of the things that I realized was a was I wouldn't even say a, a, uh, a downfall, but it was a growth point yeah, for sure it was a growth point and I think one of the things and I'll be completely honest with, you because, because we ever anything good well, you know I'd be shy with you sometime, oh boy. But I'm going to be honest with you because you know we're supposed to do this podcast right, and I was scared to ask you.
Speaker 2:That you whizzed me into.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you see, that's not what happened though.
Speaker 2:That is what happened. That's not what happened.
Speaker 1:We had a really great family fun day with the boys.
Speaker 2:Okay. It was great that's up to interpretation. I hear you, I hear you, I hear you. It was great for some of us before I was in the car while they got their hair cut.
Speaker 1:Well, you know well, we had a great time together and dropping everybody off and I was like I gotta head back and you kind of volunteered to come, maybe, or you just was like, how long are you going to be there? I was like, oh, we're going to record and then set it up and so you should come on with it. And I said, right there. I said if she say yes, we're going to do it with her. But then I was still scared to ask you until I got in here today and Jada was like, oh, james here, I thought she was going to be your guest and I was like, hmm, he still didn't ask me about it.
Speaker 1:I didn't necessarily ask you until I kind of had support. I had support.
Speaker 2:Jada, kind of helped me ask.
Speaker 1:And how could you tell?
Speaker 2:Oh, we've got it, because I said, well, I'm not sure, like I haven't had any prep, I don't know what we're talking about tonight. They said, oh, you need notes, we got notes. And I was like, need notes? We got notes. And I was like, okay, we got notes. Um, I mean, it's, it's, it's hard when you know. Again, you're looking for validation, you know those people that you care the most about and their opinions matter the most.
Speaker 2:Um, sometimes the people closest to you, oftentimes the people closest to you, have the most power in you know, either affirming you or completely tearing you down sometimes they can do both and sometimes they can do both at the same time at the same time at the same time.
Speaker 2:Um, I think that as far as, like in general, people pleasing, um, I have kind of gotten to the point where I'm like, like it's, it's always going to be somebody who loves it, it's always going to be somebody who hates it. If everybody in my circle agrees, then I'm in the wrong circle, because somebody needs to be able to have some type of pushback for me, otherwise, how am I supposed to work through problems?
Speaker 2:that my brain can't foresee Right. So you know, I have a group of friends who work in the same field as I do.
Speaker 1:I want to talk about them, that little group right there, we, we, we bounce ideas off of one another.
Speaker 2:We are very real with one another, um, to the point where sometimes I'm on the phone and, you know, adam is like dang girl, you're just gonna say that to her and I'm like, well, I mean like this is the type of conversation, this is the type of relationship that we have, and it's it's honestly because we know that the true desire behind everyone's um the the motivations behind everyone's conversations, to see the other person succeed.
Speaker 2:Um, it does not feel good, though no when you're in that group and you're like, hey, so I got this idea right. Um, a prime example I I talked about an event that I'm planning, um, for I've got a couple events coming up next year with a couple of my businesses, and he's so successful oh my god stop.
Speaker 2:I, I told, I told one of the friends in this group, angelina. I told her I was like hey, so I'm planning this doula summit next year in October and she goes, oh yeah, all right. So I instantly was like boop boop, boop boop. I said yeah, and it wasn't much breath given to it, there wasn't much. Her reaction, or lack there of instantly, made me be like I went to adam and I was like I don't think I'm gonna do it and he was like what I said? Nope, I said it's angelina.
Speaker 2:She was underwhelmed, like there was no oomph, there was no anything. And he was like well, you should ask her like if she thinks it's a good idea. So well, I'm pretty sure her reaction told me that it wasn't and he says but that's not necessarily the case. And so, um, I still, punkishly right, was like punkishly yeah, because I didn't right out ask like hey, do you think this is a good idea? I, I, you know, roundabout it was like well, you know, I was thinking maybe I shouldn't do it because you know there's a lot of people that's doing it. And her response back to me was so you're gonna go?
Speaker 2:How many chicken sandwiches are there out there, who your favorite one? She said there ain't nobody like chick-fil-a, right? I said no, she says so. If chick-fil-a said that they wasn't gonna do chicken chicken sandwiches because there was kfc and there was popeyes and there was out, then you know what would we have from chick-fil-a. And I said all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, all right, like I like, I understood, I agree, but I was not happy with that statement. I mean, you know, and again, I thought I wanted it Right, I thought I wanted that validation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and sometimes even when you go for it even when you go for it, it don't turn out how you think it's going to turn out.
Speaker 1:But it's whoever does it. Yes, and it's how they do. It is often the best way for you to be able to grow yes right, because I remember.
Speaker 2:I remember one of the first growth conversations you ever had with angelina, and when I say y'all because she's talking real nice right now, when I say y'all, she was 20 million degrees hot, and I'm not ashamed to say it because her and I have had this conversation several times, you know at this point, and I told her, I said, girl, you were every name under the sun, okay, but the one that your mama named you Because I was mad. I was so mad because, you know it was a growth conversation, we were starting out in business, and she told me, you know, basically called me on Christmas Eve. Y'all, christmas Eve she called me and said, yeah, you got a minute to talk and I was excited to talk to her because we had just started this new working relationship, right. And she says I said, yeah, I got a minute to talk. And she goes.
Speaker 2:So I'm looking through your social media right now and I see that you're a mom and I see that you are, you know, a wife and that's all in cool and stuff. But who are you? Who's the doula? Like, none of that is is is shown on your page Like that's cool, but who are you? Like you need to find yourself. And I said now, wait a doggone minute.
Speaker 1:Yo, when I said, when that lady said that to her, she was combing her hair. She was combing her hair and she was so excited because she was like oh yeah, and when that lady said that to her you would have thought she stole her money. She's like yeah she muted her phone. Did you hear what she just said to me? And the cool thing about it, all right is, is that it wasn't that she didn't support you.
Speaker 2:It was that because she wanted to support you, she had to have the conversation and it wasn't truth like it was it was true there was nothing that said you know, hey, this is what I do for a living, this is some of my success stories that you know. These are some of my failures, some of my like. There there's, there was nothing on there that said any of the above, and so she was right, it's just that again. Right, like because it is a person whose opinion I value, um, because it is about a subject that's very near and dear, right, it's, it's my business. So, you know, for all those entrepreneurs out there, you know your business is your baby.
Speaker 2:You be ready to fight over somebody saying something about your business the one wrong word, the one word you ready. One wrong time like it's like literally, like it's your child, yeah, so, um. So I mean, she was, she was right, you know, but it wasn't, it wasn't fun to hear um and I think that's that's.
Speaker 1:That's one of the things you know. You know, I try to always go by some scriptures, um, and one of the things that I pulled was in galatians 1 and 10, which says and now trying to win the approval of human beings or of god? Um, I'm sorry, I said it wrong. Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of god, or am I trying to please people? If I were still, if I were to still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of christ. Now, this is paul talking. Paul is, you know, the gangster apostle that I've always said you know, you know, you know I've been talking about I'm here talking about paul.
Speaker 1:He's gangsta. But now one of the things that you realize is is that try not necessarily trying to get the approval of others um, you're looking for the, the solidification and the approval from god, but one of the things that you realize is is that even you look to god to help you, uh, to find the people, uh, who you should listen to. Absolutely Right, finding the people on who is a good person to listen to, because those are the people that got off. They can even be a conduit to talk to you. You know, I cannot tell you how many times talking to you has allowed God to speak to me from ways, in ways that I was trying to ignore.
Speaker 2:Now that's that's I can tell you. I know there's been a few times that the it was nothing but the lord that stepped into me, because you ever say something you'd be like.
Speaker 1:Hmm, hmm, I don't see God do that with the baby.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:I don't see God do it. Well, you know, you know, you know what I'm talking about. I've seen God do that with the baby, and there is a time when you realize that I pray for those moments. I pray for those moments for God to be able to help me see and understand what you'd have me to do, and sometimes my mind can be in such a place that I can't hear him.
Speaker 1:So at that time having that conduit and the one that you trust and the one that he set up there for you. You know, in the foundational place that he set up there for you, I do think a lot of us desire to have support, but sometimes the support we choose is the support that holds us into the old person we used to be Now. You know that's something that you and I talked about a lot in our marriage and that's one of the things that I realized that I'm making a face y'all, because let's just be clear now jam what we can.
Speaker 2:Be real and honest. Like you know, that ain't just something we done talked about. That's something we done fought over, been mad about. Yes, yes absolutely yes.
Speaker 1:So you know, I'm not gonna hide nothing. You know, just talk through it. You know, there was times where you know, because jam jam is a little, just a little, younger than I am, you know, not very much, please leave it there. Um, yes, not very much. And uh, so I was in a different place in my uh, in my walking business and walking life, you know, and I was like now I got this pretty young new wife.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna just do my best to help her be, you know, the michelle obama that she says she wants to be type. And I'm like, yes, girl, and some of that means you got to get rid of certain friends. And I said you got to get rid of this, this, this, this, this. And she's like hold on, nigga, no, I'm not getting rid of those people because I need so and so and so and so-and-so. And I told her, I said, nah, because if you don't have friendships that are able to help you grow, and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I say yeah, we went back and forth and back and forth.
Speaker 1:Some of the relationships still stayed, some of them she cut off. But hopefully don't think that I was Some of them cut me off. Some of them cut you off. Some of them cut you off and did and did. But here's the thing I was saying give them a place of love because, ultimately, it was making sure you were able to see yourself differently than what they were able to help you see yourself than what they were able to help you see yourself.
Speaker 2:I think so, you know, always in the time, in the moment. I've always understood that that was your goal.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I did not necessarily agree with that because you know I felt like we were talking about. You know the fish tank or the pond, you know that everyone talks about and if you're the biggest fish in your pond and you need to get out, go to the ocean.
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah, um, but I also felt like. I also felt like you know, realizing that I am going to be yet a small fish in a river, going to be yet a small fish in a river and if the biggest fish there decides to leave before I have an opportunity to become, a big, a medium-sized fish.
Speaker 2:Right, then I don't get to learn how that big fish became a big fish. So for me it was always like yes, while I might have friends who are not quite where I am, yet me leaving them in the dust doesn't, you know, qualify. Or them not being where I'm at doesn't qualify for me to drop them. Yeah, unless they're like I don't desire to be where you are, you can have that, that's fine. You know that that's different. But, like you know, when you start talking about support, sometimes you are the support for other people to get where they want to go, and they see that you are there and that means that they're not going to look how you look in the moment.
Speaker 2:You know it's going to take them some time to get there. It may take them a few little, you know, hiccups along the way, and so for me, you know that was that. That was always a point and still is. I feel, like you know, like not every well now, the majority of people around me, we all have varying levels of degrees of where we are, but all in the same trajectory and you know that sort of sort of thing. But you know, I just feel like, when it comes down to support, it's not husband and wife. Support is fantastic, I can speak, it's the best. It is the best I'm not going to lie Like you know, being able to go home and know that, like that person that is, there is y'all against the world, there is no like better feeling than that. Right Um. With that being said, as a woman, there is support that you can't give me, cause you don't know what it's like to be a woman.
Speaker 1:You're right, you're right, so you're right, but that doesn't mean any woman can give you the support. Well, that's what my continue, my continuing issue, was choose the right women but that's also so.
Speaker 2:Again, that's subjective. How is it that you can say what woman is the right woman to give me the support when you're not a woman?
Speaker 1:by how they talk to you, how they make you feel well, I mean again.
Speaker 2:So, like I, I acknowledge the same thing on your end, like I can't say I know that, you know you have to have male friends, you have to have men in your life who you know can speak to the man in you. True, um, and the support that they give you, though you and I have a, a beautiful relationship, I can't touch that support, you know, and that's why it's like uh, you know, I'm not in a bible scholar, I'm getting there oh, you know the word.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you know the word uh, I believe there's a scripture that references as iron sharpens iron right as a man sharpen his friend um, it's important for us to, you know, not just have one another, but to have other people that are in your circle that help you in ways that you know you're desiring to go. I started recently sharing my bucket list with my friends, so that I mean, I talked to my husband about, like, what I want to do and we can randomly do things, and some of the things that are on my bucket list are like trivial, right, like I want to go and take close-up pictures with an elephant. Okay, I'm like okay, but there are some other things that are not so trivial and that are pretty big things, and I know that I need the support of the people in my group as well as the support of accountability measure and our group and it starts to serve as an accountability measure and our group like, hey, girl, you said, you know, by the end of the. I had brunch with um a colleague the other day and she was saying how she had a goal of, you know, being able to just be training and education by the end of 2025 and not to actually have to be, you know, having a crazy schedule all the time. I said, girl, me too, like that's my goal too. So, like you know, we talked we actually had a birth together.
Speaker 2:We briefly found that out about one another and I was, like we got to do brunch and I was intentional about like scheduling brunch so that, like we can help one another in that goal. Um, you know, bounce ideas off of each other, but you know, just so that we can ultimately hold one another accountable. Like, hey, girl, it's the end of first quarter, how you looking? You know, we at the end of second quarter, what's new? What's your plans for the third quarter? Just to, kind of, you know, like I said, be able to support one another and getting to that goal into that place, and that helps you know.
Speaker 1:So how do we qualify people? Because, because I know and hear me, I think it is okay to say how do you qualify people to be in relationship with you? I believe it's Les Brown says only quality people, oqp, and it's a particular phrase that he lives by, because you have to have quality people around you. But I do know that sometimes you can't always see a quality person and, if I may be quite vulnerable, I have always been someone who tries to see the potential in somebody and then still want to have them around so that they can. You know exactly. You know, and you cast your pearls amongst swine yeah you know.
Speaker 1:And then you're like, okay, you're left, they're not any better empty empty. And so what are the ways that you can find quality people? And when you find them, how do you start relationship with them?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. So I can say, for me what has worked is kind of stepping outside of my comfort zone and going to events or putting myself in rooms where I didn't feel qualified but I wanted to be. I wanted to be qualified. So, like you know, going to brunches or banquet, events, galas that were honestly meant for the who's who, but realizing that, you know, I wanted to have some quality people, I wanted to be able to have some relationship with those people.
Speaker 2:Um, so like putting myself out of my comfort zone, which meant registering for banquets by myself, maybe buying two tickets and taking, you know, my husband, if he could go, if he couldn't go, taking a homegirl who also could kind of benefit from it. Um, and going in with the plan like, okay, we're gonna leave here tonight, which is y? Um and let that be the goal. And like make one conversation, get one phone number or one email address, you know sweaty armpits, the whole nine. And then, from there, you know, you're like, okay, I did it, I did once. And like not wait till the end of the night, like walking in the door with all the guts doing it, because by the time you did the one, then you're like okay, I did the one. It's still two more hours left.
Speaker 2:In the event, like I'm, gonna see if I can do another one, yeah um, and trying to, you know, trying to shoot for things of that nature, um, you know that has worked for me. Um, it's been extremely uncomfortable. It still is all the time, yeah, but it does pay off so.
Speaker 1:So I think that uncomfortableness and uncomfortability is it work? It works it's here, um, that uncomfortableness, I think, is the place that many people try to avoid. And if you try to avoid it and you have nobody to smack you back, to put you back in it, then it's going to absolutely put you in a continual pattern of just monotony and staying the same yeah you know, and but.
Speaker 2:But so here's how I feel about that, though it's, if it's not uncomfortable, it's probably meant. It's probably because you're not meant to do it. Um, anything that is easy for you to do it's not a challenge. It's because it wasn't. It's not your plight to carry, it was not your cross to bear. It's not like it's not meant to be easy. To be fair, if it's easy, then you know why are we doing it.
Speaker 2:So it having to know that I tell people all the time. You know, you gotta be careful about what you say your purpose is, because you don't get to say oh you know, god show me what my purpose is, and then he shows you that. You know, your purpose is to be a doctor and or I'll even go as far as to be personal and say he shows you your. Your purpose is to help other women and and their mother journey and their reproductive journey. You know helping women into motherhood and what that journey looks like by being atlanta, one of atlanta's number one midwives, um, not a midwife come 2029
Speaker 2:we'll see. Praise the lord. No, but like you say, okay, god, this is my purpose, this is what I know I was created on this earth to do, and saying, oh, I'm so blessed and so fortunate to have found my purpose in life right, and then to know that that purpose, or to realize that whatever your purpose is, is also attached to a trial, and with that, like you can't say, oh, I want the purpose without the trial. No, I don't work like that, like you have to be willing to carry that as well. And so, whenever, whenever you know you're in this uncomfortable situation, I can tell you I have friends who I have personally pushed like, do it, do it, do it, do it. And like you're crazy, you do it, you do. I'm like it's not meant for me to do because I'm not afraid to do it. Like I'm not. If I'm not afraid to do it, then it's probably not meant for me to do um, but you're terrified, like you're shaking as we sit here having this conversation. That's probably meant.
Speaker 1:It's probably because it's what, what it's meant for you to do, girl, and to do it and get past it and get, because you know one of the things, one of the one of the growth points is sometimes the trials don't come until you make the decision to go towards it, and then you're like, why, lord, baby, why? But then you have to continue to move past it. You know, like even, oh god, even an example. I don't know if I told you about this, but like, so, you know, uh, I told you. I said I was trying to build a space, right?
Speaker 2:right, yeah.
Speaker 1:A studio. And before we even got the studio we were like, let's just go ahead and just do it. And you were so gracious to say, babe, you could do it, we could try to sign the lease and get the place. And we started. And then, you know, that contract came, you know, and then I got a call and talk about maybe the contract might go away. And I was like now before I wouldn't care yeah it wouldn't bother me so then it's like, um, if it goes away, lord, I stepped out.
Speaker 1:And then God continues to remind me that you stepped out for a particular purpose, not because of something else and the thing that I'll continue to always remind, remind people of, is that, when it comes to really getting down to the point of following the call on your life, following the purpose, following your dream, there is going to be roadblocks and stepping stones, that you need qualified people to help you get past them. Absolutely, and I think that was one of the scariest things for me in my life and that was that was one of the reasons why, you know, I I was always so adamant about, about talking with you, because I wanted you to know how crazy I was, you know. I wanted you to know how much I do think and even how much I do say the sometimes say the wrong things to myself when I'm in my right situation. Sure, you know, and having the ability to to that was good that was good.
Speaker 1:That was good glad we're recording, um, but uh, having the support system to remind you I can't tell you how many times you reminded me, not just off of what I said I would do, but what you saw God say that I would do. And sometimes that's not something one you can take from everyone, because sometimes people will use that to manipulate you. But other times, when somebody is really qualified, and the qualification often doesn't only come from accolades and things- Experience can be one.
Speaker 1:But one of the ones that I have been able to benefit from, even when it comes to you, is your heart for me, sure, right, and vice versa, my heart for you very true there's not very many people that I desire to be as successful as I want you to be successful.
Speaker 1:Right, I'll move mountains for you, you know that. But the thing is, girl, don't get it. I'd move mountains for you, but the thing is, girl, don't get it. I'd move mountains for you, but the thing about it is sometimes one of the mountains that I had to move was you right, and I had to know, just like you had to know, that I'm going to have to do this uphill battle with this joker, but it's going to be worth it at the end. And you want people who believe that you're worth that. You know. And that's scary to me, because sometimes I ain't gonna lie, sometimes I don't know if those people have existed. Know if those people have existed, you know now in my life.
Speaker 1:You know I probably can get about three or four of them. Yeah, and you I even gotta name them to you. Now I got five. Say what's up, jada? Yay, because jada's that's my homie, uh. So I got about good strong five, I got a strong five, favorite five and pay five. So I think that's when you have the opportunity to have someone that cares for you, but not only cares for you but cares enough to care for your vision, for you, and caring for your vision is also caring for your internal work. You know I love when I say I love you and your team's relationship. I prayed for that, I did.
Speaker 2:I prayed for it. I prayed for it.
Speaker 1:I prayed for it.
Speaker 1:I prayed for it and that Christmas Eve, when that came, I said God, let that come with even more, and by golly, the support that I see you all walk in as strong, independent women, I just I am in awe. I mean, if you and I don't know if you've ever really, like, looked at you all's relationship, you all independently grew, but independently grew corporately in regards to your companies and your businesses you became something amazing. Angelina was always amazing, but then she got even more amazing. I mean folks is, I mean Angelina bought a property you know what I'm saying and you have become one of Atlanta's superstars.
Speaker 2:I mean just a superstar, and here's what it is, but it's amazing and it happened because of quality people that y'all were able to to engage in and we I think also it goes to show, like when you start talking about qualifications, right, um, everybody in our circle has a different level of qualification as far as like academics, or accolades or accomplishments or you know um, but we also all have a desire to see one another thrive, thrive, and there is the push to see that we, we laugh and say, hey, like I know, if I need logistical work throughs, I know I gotta call Pam. You know, if I need somebody just to spitball some, like some new inventive ideas to me, I need to call Angelina. If I need a worker bee, I know it's just going to be treasure. Like you know, you got your people, that everybody works together really well to help succeed and achieve a goal.
Speaker 2:That is a beautiful thing and I think that ultimately, even in relationships in general, realizing that without that, what do you have like if a person is not pushing you like this is a marriage, this is a friendship, you know, and it may not be always in your work, it may be like in getting better and how you view men. You know, like the single friends who, like he, he ain't, you know nothing, I gotta, you know, y'all, know y'all. You know me, you know me, come on, you know they, they, they, they ain't sugar honey ice tea.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know, um, and I don't want to be with no man because I ain't ready to submit, right? We recently had a friend who I had. We had a friend who a few years ago she was on the single train and woohoo and hoohoo and okay, she was like no single for the rest of my life. I ain't ever, because I won't ever submit to a man, right, saw her a few nights ago, baby. She said I'm ready to submit to my husband.
Speaker 2:I said, oh, submittive party of one, but we were always on her. Like girl. You can't be like that, like you cannot allow one situation to to control your outcomes in life. And you know like constantly and always pushing for. So you know that happens, like I said, in relationships, in work, in self-improvement. You know all of those things, having someone to push you and support you in all of those different areas.
Speaker 1:And I think you know, as we wrap up tonight and thank you so much You're welcome, thank you. And I'm so honored that you you're so gracious. I love you.
Speaker 2:You're my best friend. You couldn't mess up in front of me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:um, I think, as we, as we wrap up in the evening, um, I think one of the things that you realize is uh qualified people often can come to you when you are looking for qualified people, finding qualified people, when they are able to see the best in you, having an issue because you don't see you the same, yeah, and the beauty behind that says if I can see better for you, then you'll be better for you, and that is what a qualified person does for your heart. A qualified person says I desire the best, and it's also that I have not even that I know the best, because often, even for me, there were times where I wanted for you what I couldn't give myself and I tried my best to make sure that you could have it, whatever I had to do to make sure that you could do that, the same thing we do for our babies.
Speaker 2:I was literally thinking the same thing.
Speaker 1:The same thing we do for our babies. I was literally thinking the same thing, the same thing we do for our babies, you know. And so, when you think about it, life is going to present you with qualified and disqualified people. Life is going to present you with qualified support and disqualified support, and one of the things that in order, even is going to be our prayer tonight, is that, in order to find qualified people for you to, for you to have support, be a qualified person yourself. Be a qualified person yourself. Be a qualified person yourself.
Speaker 1:The people that you see around you is not just about you. It's not just about you getting what you need, but qualify yourself, add value to yourself so that you can be strong enough to add value to somebody else. And that's one of the main things, and that's the thing that can change everything, because birds of a feather flock together. They do Because the more you feel qualified about helping somebody else and being their qualified support, it just grows and it just grows and it just grows and it just grows and it just grows and it just grows and it just grows. It's like what I've seen happen, even at at the epicenter or any of the churches Qualified people connect with qualified people and qualify each other and qualify their surroundings.
Speaker 1:That's my prayer for people tonight and that's my prayer for people tonight. My prayer for people tonight Is that your environment Becomes an environment of support, that, no matter what, no matter where You'll be able to feel that from people. So you know, I like to close out with prayer and I know you say you're not a Bible bumper like that, but God hears your prayers, won't you pray? Sure, give me your pretty hand, promise I won't.
Speaker 2:We thank you for validity in you. We ask, father, that, as we thank you for validity in you, we ask, father, that, as people are touched by you, lord, that they are also endowed with all of the qualifications that they need to have, because they are sons and daughters of you, lord.
Speaker 2:They are a piece of a masterpiece which, in and of themselves, make them qualified. Lord, allow for them to continue to seek validity in you, lord. Allow for your heart, your desire and your purposes be what they aim to accomplish each and every day and, in that, father, allow for them to be able to seek other people who have a heart after you, lord, so that together their desire to prove and please you will overflow into your kingdom, will produce more qualified individuals in their circle, which will produce more qualified individuals in your kingdom. Father, we thank you, we love you, we honor you for the validity that you continue to give us each and every day.
Speaker 2:Father, we thank you for the validity that is your son, jesus christ, that you saw so fit to. Let us be the people, father, that he died to save. Father that, by itself, without having to do anything else, providing the validity of each and every individual, each and every individual, each and every soul that sees and watches this. Father, allow them to know that they are made for a divine reason, a divine purpose, and that those reasons and those purposes are far beyond anything that they could ever think or imagine. Allow for them to hear your voice. Be that qualified individual, not just for themselves but for others they encounter, but ultimately, father, be qualified and seeking after your heart. We love you, we honor you and we thank you, and it is in your son, jesus name that we pray. Amen, amen.
Speaker 1:Ooh yeah, listen, I told you the juice. So family again. We are here every Friday night, every Friday night and even the more here to do our best to be qualified for you to have some support, even on this YouTube channel and Facebook channel. We're so honored that you came back here with us and Qualified for you to have some support Even on this YouTube channel and Facebook channel. We're so honored that you came back here with us and thank you again for being on here. Pretty girl, my pleasure, and we will see you next week. Same time, same place. It's a redeemed conversation with Adam Lugister At 11pm every Friday night. Love you as always. Take care, family, take care.
